I won’t say that I -always- do the chores in the household but when I don’t do them I notice who ignores them and I remember when was the last time they did any of them. I think of how the obligatory gestures to show off a good act of being helpful are now forgotten and I vow to myself to do not do them to point out that not only do they -not- contribute to the household chores but they don’t say ‘thank you’ anymore when I do them.

It started off as them doing small things and it felt like I was helping them and enjoying it. Then it started to feel like it was expected of me. It was now my duty and they started to just shrug it off. They’d stop coming to eat on time and it felt useless to try. I don’t blame my mother in law anymore. Who would want to cater to that? That’s not something for everyone.

I keep saying this but I’m still in disbelief, there are more adults than children in here and this place looks ridiculous if I don’t pick up their slack. Being ‘Dad’ does not excuse you from your share. Not knowing how is not an excuse to run off and hide when I try and teach you and nothing that any of them can say or do can convince me that they are exempt from saying a simple ‘thank you’. It drives me nuts when I see them walk around, on, or over stuff on the floor instead of picking it up. If you see someone doing something offer to help. I’ll wave you off maybe but I’ll feel better that you tried.

And so I refuse. I wait and see yet again if they’ll do it for themselves, to better their own home, to maybe just be nice and considerate for the fellow members of this house and family. NADA. I let the mess build and think I’m ‘showing them’ by letting it, they don’t care! So, who am I kidding? Here I am again, picking up their gizmos, blankets, jackets, glaring and trying to resist washing that crooked pile of dishes, chucking their shoes and slippers into that stupid basket everyone has forgotten about that is suppose to keep me from tripping over their footwear. 

I’ll leave this place and I don’t know if it is a victory, a loss, or even a battle at all. I feel defeated, though.  I feel outnumbered and there are a few things that outweigh my prideful want of sticking to my original plan that I can’t mention. I’m going back home to face another battle. To wait and gauge my husband’s reactions. To see if he indeed is sorry and will allow me to be more self sufficient without any sulking from him. After all of this I don’t want to rely and lose out on things I want because it isn’t domestic enough. Marriage and helping another person shouldn’t be about losing yourself in the process. It shouldn’t be about how much I can bend without snapping and threatening them off my case.  I shouldn’t question a gift he gives me as a bribe to stfu and stay and be a good girl.

 I want no doubts in my mind and I know for now I’ll have to wait for it and see but at least despite everything, I’m willing to try.